hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
