its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
