i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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