i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
