u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
