i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
