i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize