be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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