Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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