he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
