I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
