I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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