I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
