Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize