No stitches, just platelets and will power
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
