i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
