I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
