the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
