drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
