You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
