So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
