im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
