I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
