Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
