By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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