omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
