I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
