yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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