Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
