it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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