the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You did what with his pubic hair?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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