I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
