was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
