I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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