cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize