i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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