He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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