Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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