if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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