what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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