Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize