Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
