Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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