OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
