Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She even gives head with a lisp.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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