i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
