He is an equal opportunity slut.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
