Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
