So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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