Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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