I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
