we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
