great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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