I cannot find my penis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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