I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
