Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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