Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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