I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its about making memories worth repressing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
