party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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