and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
