what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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