my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
