Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Semen is not good for contacts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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