; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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