i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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