So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
