Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
