is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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