it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
