We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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