I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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