I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
