I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
