I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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