She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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