you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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