seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
