How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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