When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
