he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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