So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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