so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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