I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
