I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
