The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
