You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
