also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
