i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
