We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize