We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize