Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
