I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize