he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
