if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize