Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
