I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
