Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
