ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
