You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
