My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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